I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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