I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
