in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
