There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
