I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
