he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
