is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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