Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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