Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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