thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
