it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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