I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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