I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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