Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
