I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
well most of my day revolves around power hour
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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