he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
