Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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