eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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