Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
