am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Randomize
