I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
