tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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