You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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