I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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