I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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