I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
