also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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