too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
