Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
