Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
