What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
