He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
