I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
