My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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