i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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