One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
