it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
