thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
