The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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