Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
