no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
