I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
from now on my penis is your penis
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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