You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
