I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
