Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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