I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
