he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
