i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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