Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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