She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
