We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
