how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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