im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
