the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
