Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
