absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
