I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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