Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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