Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
